There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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