This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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