Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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