I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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