i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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