I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Randomize
