So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I want her autograph on my taint
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
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