I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I cockslap morals
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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