He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
