are you still at the devil's house?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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