Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We are all done wearing pants today
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
