what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I had to cum in my sink.
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