Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
