my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
