I swear god or herbie drove my car home
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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