Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
