The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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