dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
