toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
