Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...