I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.