I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
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once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
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Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun