I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia