My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
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I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
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You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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