ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
