All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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