I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
