Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
