i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
