I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
