My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize