as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
