He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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