I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
