I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
