You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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