youre lurking in front of me
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
