I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
