I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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