Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
