bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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