I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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