i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
