I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
