hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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