i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
