How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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