Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
