just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
