So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
