Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I need mimosas to revive my soul
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
