he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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