his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Holy shit dude........stairs
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