in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
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My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
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I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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