There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
