just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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