Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
