Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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