just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker