my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.