Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes