I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Small penises have feelings too.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM