Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.