Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads