I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said