I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
