My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
