Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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