i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
