i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
