He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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