last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
