i was rollin on her like bob the builder
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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