so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
