oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm getting married
To pizza
Randomize
